Naz stuffed his hands in his pockets, and eyed the familiar house in front of him. Never once had he felt out of place or nervous coming here. He could walk up those steps like he’d done from the time he learned how to fucking walk, and stroll right through the front door as if he actually lived here. Even though he didn’t and never had.
It never mattered. Those doors had always been opened for him no matter what. He could come and go as he pleased. Park his four-wheeler in the garage as a kid, and join them at the table for supper with no questions asked. Drank too much as a teenager, and didn’t want to go home? He could come here.
Next to his own home, this place was his safe haven.
So why did he feel so fucking nervous right now? Why was he looking at Zeke and Katya’s home like he’d never been past the threshold of the front door? Why were his goddamn hands sweaty?
This wasn’t like Naz at all.
“You going to stand out there in the driveway all afternoon, or what?” he heard a familiar voice call.
Naz found his godfather standing on the top of the steps. Zeke leaned against the railing with an easy posture, and a similarly welcoming smile. All of that meant good things because that was the thing about Zeke. He wasn’t very good at hiding when he was pissed off at someone, or rather, he couldn’t be bothered to try and hide it.
“I was thinking, actually,” Naz admitted.
“About what, exactly?”
“How many times I’ve been here before, I guess. All the shit Luca and I used to do when we were kids. You know, all of that.”
Zeke hummed under his breath. “A whole lifetime of memories for you two, I suppose.”
“So far.”
“You’ve got lots left to go. That’s what Cross and I wanted, you know? The same thing we had as kids growing up. Someone to watch our back because we knew nobody else was going to. We could always count on each other in that way.”
Naz nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
Zeke cleared his throat, and straightened to his full height. “So, are you coming in, or are you going to keep standing there like an idiot all morning?”
“Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome, principe.”
Zeke said nothing else, but rather, turned on his heels and headed inside the house. He left the door open. A silent offer for Naz to follow if he wanted. He did exactly that, and took the time to remove his shoes and coat inside the house. Eventually, he found Zeke in the man’s office where he was digging through a drawer.
“Roz isn’t here,” Zeke said. “She’s out shopping with her mother. Apparently, she needs to ship all the things to Australia within the week, or they’re not going to get there in time for her to have them when she gets there.”
At the mention of Australia, Naz wanted to both smile and frown. Funny how that worked. He was fucking ecstatic that Roz had nailed the audition. And not to mention, within a week, she got the call. The official, we would love to invite you to our company. Her spot was to be filled in a month and a half. A month after his sister’s wedding.
They hadn’t really got in to the details of what day she was going to officially get on a plane, but Naz knew that conversation was coming. He didn’t want to see her go. Fuck him straight to hell because he just wanted to keep her here.
At the same time, this was her dream. This was what she was made to do; what she wanted to do. There was no way in hell he was going to hold her back from doing all her amazing things.
So, yeah.
He was going to keep being sad and happy.
Privately sad.
Happy to everyone else.
“I know she isn’t here,” Naz said, taking a seat when Zeke gestured at the chair across from his desk. Once seated, he pulled out the glasses he had to wear when he read or used the computer just to have something in his hands to focus on. His nerves were fucking ridiculous today. “That’s why I came over today.”
Zeke glanced at his watch, saying, “Strange time for you to be around. Usually, you’re in the middle of the city working.”
Naz shrugged. “Nobody’s calling to send me running like a fucking cafone all over the city. I’m not going to speak on it lest my fucking luck run out, huh?”
His godfather laughed. “Sure, sure.”
“Plus, I might have mentioned to Dad that I needed a minute or two today to do something important.”
Zeke straightened in his chair, and folded his arms over his chest as he eyed Naz from across the desk. “Something to do with me, yeah?”
“He probably called you right after I hung up.”
“Probably,” Zeke agreed. “You know how your father is. He’s a fucking gossip, but only with me.” Then, Zeke turned serious when he muttered, “Never tell him I told you that because he’ll try to bust my mouth, and we’re too old for that shit. And I really don’t want to hear Catherine and Katya bitching about it all. Got it?”
Naz chuckled. “Got it.”
But where was the lie?
“You’re not going to ask her to stay in New York, are you?” Zeke asked quietly when Naz let the silence stretch on between them. “Rosalynn, I mean.”
“I don’t need you to tell me who you mean. I know.”
“Well, are you?”
Naz glanced up from the glasses in his hands, and shook his head. “Nah, I’m not. I want to, you know? We’re just getting started, her and I. The last thing I want is for her to be on the other side of the world for God knows how long. I’m never leaving New York for a good spread of time—we both know it. So, yeah, I want to.”
“But you won’t.”
“She needs to do her amazing things. And some of those things won’t always include me,” Naz murmured.
“Far beyond your age, principe.”
“Something like that.” Naz sighed, and glanced up at the ceiling. “We’ll figure it out. Vacations to different spots. I’ll fly her way when I’m on a run, or something. She’ll come back here for holidays …. maybe.”
“There’ll be time.”
But how long would they have to do that? It was a question that plagued Naz. And at the same time, he figured, what did it matter?
If it was one year, five years, or a fucking decade … what did it matter? He wasn’t going anywhere. He was still going to be standing in the same spot waiting for her to come back his way.
That’s how this love thing worked, apparently.
“And you’ve still got a little while before you need to worry about any of that,” Zeke said. “A whole month and a half, right?”
“Yeah, speaking of which …”
Zeke smiled. “Mmm, the whole reason you’re here.”
Naz chuckled, and rolled his eyes. “You know, if Dad is just going to tell you everything … then why make me go through the semantics of actually asking? Seems like a waste of time.”
“Or I like watching you squirm, Nazio.”
Yeah, or that.
Naz sighed. “I thought Roz might like to go to Cece’s wedding with me. But I also know it’s going to a publicized event, and for a long time, you’ve kept her out of that. She’s barely been photographed at all. Certainly not on the arm of a Cosa Nostra soldier at the wedding of a boss’s daughter.”
“Circumstance because she was always away at school, not because I was attempting to hide her away from this life, actually. She knows what I am, and what I do. I never hid it from my children, Nazio. A lot like your mother and father. When it comes your time, I suggest you do the same.”
Huh.
“But,” Zeke said, “you can still ask. Because I’m enjoying this.”
Of course, he was.
“Would you allow me to take Roz to Cece’s wedding, Zeke?”
“You’re a little late in asking me to take her out, aren’t you?”
Naz scratched at the bit of facial hair growing on his jaw. Soon, his father was going to bark at him to shave it because made men couldn’t have facial hair, and he wasn’t a special fucking snowflake just because he wasn’t made yet. So was his life.
“So, maybe I did this a little bit backward.”
Zeke chuckled dryly. “A little?”
“Give me something.”
“Never, principe. Nothing is coming easy to you.”
“Yeah, make me work for it.”
“Exactly that,” Zeke countered.
“I shouldn’t have been a shit, then. Came to you first, and talked. Whatever.”
Zeke waved a hand. “Eh, I don’t give a shit, really.”
Naz’s head snapped up, and he found Zeke was grinning in that way of his. Like he was greatly enjoying this moment and nothing more.
“You’re just like your father, Nazio. You realize that, don’t you?”
Naz tugged on the beanie on his head. “Maybe too much, yeah.”
Zeke laughed. “Nah, just enough, Naz. Just fucking enough.”