Her heart lurched, her stomach roiled, and the tightness closing in around her chest made it difficult to breathe. All the pain she’d been feeling for herself now shifted over to him. With one hand, she cradled his jaw. She couldn’t find the words, all she could do was hold his gaze, while the tears rolled over onto her cheeks.
With his thumb, he captured her tears. “Don’t cry, darling. It was a long time ago.”
“But it never leaves you.”
“No, it doesn’t. But you don’t have to let it own you, and for the longest time I did. I thought what happened to me made me unworthy, unworthy to love, unworthy to be loved. I thought those men left something ugly inside me—that it would touch others. That it would touch you.” He circled his thumb around her cheek. “That night you came here, I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you. I wanted to lift you into my arms, carry you to my bed, and make love to you until dawn.
“If I’d told you what I was feeling, why I thought the kiss was a mistake, maybe things would have changed between us. I don’t know. Maybe you’d have kicked Berringer out of your life that night, maybe you’d have never been hurt. I left, Faith, because I was afraid if you came to me again, I wouldn’t have the strength to turn you away. And I believed with all my heart you deserved better than me.”
He’d wanted her? His kiss had certainly made her feel desired, and yet—
She shook her head. “But what about that woman you love? The one Maggie told me about.”
He smiled tenderly. “It was you, Faith. It’s always been you.”
More tears pooled over onto her cheeks. “Oh, Rawley.”
He angled his head, lowered it slightly. “If you don’t want what I’m offering, all you have to do is say stop.”
Only she did want it, had always wanted it. When his lips touched hers, she opened her mouth to him, to this incredible, remarkable man who had always connected with her soul in ways no one else ever had. Why hadn’t she trusted her own emotions, her own instincts, her own wants? Why had she doubted the strength of what she’d felt for him?
As he deepened the kiss, she poured all she was into the joining of their mouths and the sweep of her tongue over his. While she hadn’t had any liquor, she was still feeling drunk and giddy. She didn’t object when he placed his hands on her backside, when he pressed her against him, and she felt his need for her, hard and long, straining against his pants, pushing against her belly.
She wasn’t frightened or repulsed as she’d feared she might be. She sensed the unleashed strength there but also felt it within herself. His desire for her caused his body’s reaction. Not a desire to hurt or harm or dominate her. But a desire to share, to let her know she was his equal. Otherwise he wouldn’t have given her the power to dictate the terms.
“Stop,” she said against his mouth, and he went immediately still.
Breathing harshly, he pulled away, held her gaze.
“I want this, Rawley, I truly do. Inside I feel so dirty. All the baths in the world aren’t going to clean what needs cleaning.”
“I know. There were times when I nearly scrubbed myself raw.” He looked past her. “You know when I feel cleanest, Faith? When I’m caught in a rainstorm.” He tugged off his boots and socks, then knelt and removed her shoes. Straightening, he reached down and threaded his fingers through hers. “Trust me.”
She did. With all her heart and soul. So with her hand nestled in his, she followed him out onto the porch, down the steps, and onto the grass where her daughter played.
The rain was heavy, but not the driving, stinging sort. It washed over her, sending rivulets down her face. She’d left her hair loose. Rawley plowed his hands into it and once again took her mouth, his passion all the more heated.
Pressing up against him, she took pleasure in his deep-throated growl, felt it vibrating through his chest. With one hand still tangled in her hair, he wrapped his other arm securely around her and lowered them both to the ground until he was flat on his back and she was straddling his hips.
Looking down on him, she met his smoldering gaze.
“You’re in charge, Faith. Either show or tell me what you want. Do with me as you will.”
Dropping her head back, she laughed as the rain pelted her, as the shackles that had claimed her for too long fell away. She had nothing to prove to this man, no expectations to be met. His love for her ripped away boundaries, left her as free as the wide-open plains.
She returned her attention to him. “If you don’t like what I’m offering, all you have to do is tell me to stop.”
He grinned devilishly. “Darling, when it comes to you, that word is never going to cross my lips. I won’t object to anything you want to do to me.”
His words emboldened her. She grabbed his shirt placket with both hands, one on either side, and ripped it asunder, sending buttons dancing through the air. His eyes darkened.
“You have an awfully fine chest, Mr. Cooper.” She lowered her mouth to the hollow in its center and lapped at the rain that was gathering there, at the skin just beneath the shallow pool of rainwater. His growl competed with the thunder as he stiffened. More power to her, more dominance, more control. She licked her way over his ribs, one by one, then up his neck, until she was able to take his lobe between her teeth and give it a little nip. “Return the favor,” she rasped.
“Christ, Faith.”
When she straightened, she took his hands and placed them on either side of the buttons on her dress. She studied his face, the hunger there, the need, the desire not to hurt. “Do it,” she ordered.
His formidable muscles that she had watched develop over the years made short work of ripping away the bodice and chemise until she was bared to him from the waist up. Reverently, tenderly, he palmed her breasts, gently squeezed. “Perfect.”
Lifting himself up, he circled her nipple with his tongue, made an X over it, circled it again, then closed his heated mouth around it. She cried out at the pure pleasure of it. He gave the same attention to her other breast before again taking her mouth and delivering a blistering kiss that stole her ability to think or reason.
Passion and needs took over as their mouths and hands traveled over bare skin, plundered what was exposed, stealing treasured touches as sensations heightened. Pleasure pooled between her thighs, and she craved release.
With swift, greedy fingers, she unfastened his pants and set him free. He took hold of himself as she lifted her skirts, lifted herself before slowly sinking down, absorbing the wondrous glory of his filling her. Bracketing his hands on either side of her hips, he guided her motions as she rocked against him while the rain crashed down, drenching them, washing over them, cleansing.
Stroking her hands over his chest, she dropped her head back and rode him hard and fast, the pleasure building until it whipped through her and sent her flying into a great abyss where gratification reigned. Her cry echoed around them, circling his growl as he bucked beneath her and she felt his hot seed pouring into her.
Collapsing on top of him, she welcomed his arms closing around her. She held him tightly as the storm had its way with them and peace floated around her, settled over her.
Rawley thought his courting style lacked a lot in the way of finesse but couldn’t argue with the end result. As he sat in the bathtub of warm water with Faith’s back nestled against his chest, he’d never felt so clean.
“When did you realize you loved me?” she asked.
“I always loved you. But you were seventeen, going on eighteen when I realized what I felt for you was starting to shift into territory it shouldn’t.”
“That’s about the time I noticed you avoiding me, finding excuses not to be around me. I should have figured it out. I guess I was still trying to figure myself out.”
He dropped his mouth to the nape of her neck. “You turned out just fine.”
“What do we do now?” she asked.
“Dry off, go to bed, make love again.”
She laughed. “I meant where do we go beyond that. I’d like to explore what we have here but don’t want to rush into any sort of commitment.”
“I understand that, Faith.”
She twisted around until her hip was pressed against his cock, and it jumped to attention. “I don’t want Callie to suspect something’s happening between us. Or my parents.” Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. “Or anyone. It’s not that I’m ashamed of you, of us, but—”
“I know. We’ll lose all our choices.”
With a nod, she settled back against him, sending the water rolling over them. “Pa would make you marry me.”
He didn’t think she needed to know he’d already spoken with her father. He didn’t want her to feel she had to travel this trail with him.
“I do like your idea, though, of drying off, going to bed, and making love again.”
And that’s exactly what they did.