Sunil Jha

JASON IS IN.

Georgia Warr

SERIOUSLY

Sunil Jha

YEP. He agreed to come along as a personal favour to me.

But he said he’s still not sure about rejoining

Georgia Warr

okay

so

i have an idea about how to win him back

‘No,’ said Rooney, once I explained my idea to her. She was on her bed. I was watering Roderick, who was not half as voluminous as he once had been due to the dead bits I’d chopped, but wasn’t quite dead, as I’d previously thought.

‘It’ll work.’

‘It’s stupid.’

‘It’s not. He has a good sense of humour.’

Rooney was sprawled in her going-out clothes eating breadsticks straight from the packet, something that had recently become her pre-night-out routine.

‘The Shakespeare Soc is finished,’ she said, and I knew she believed it. She wouldn’t be going out all the time if she hadn’t given up on it completely.

‘Just trust me. I can win him back.’

Rooney gave me a long look. She crunched a breadstick loudly.

‘OK,’ she said. ‘But I get to be Daphne.’

I skipped my lectures the next day to go on a costume hunt. It took most of the morning and a solid chunk of the afternoon. Durham had one costume shop down a tiny alleyway, and they didn’t have exactly what I was looking for, so I ended up trawling the clothes and charity shops for whatever I could find to create makeshift costumes. Rooney even joined me after lunch, sunglasses on to hide the bags under her eyes. She’d been sleeping in till midday most days lately.

I sacrificed a lot of my allowance for this month to get everything, meaning I’d have to live off cafeteria food for the next couple of weeks, but it was a worthy sacrifice, because once Rooney and I arrived early at our rehearsal room and changed into our costumes, I knew that this was the best idea I had ever had in my life.

‘Oh, this is the cosplay of my dreams,’ said Sunil as I handed him a bright orange jumper, a red skirt and some orange socks.

We finished changing, and then we waited.

And I started to think this may have been a terrible idea.

Maybe he wouldn’t find it funny. Maybe he’d take one look at me and then leave.

There was only one way to find out.

‘What is going on?’ Jason asked, stepping into the room and frowning at our odd get-ups. I’d missed him. God, I’d missed him and his fluffy jacket and soft smile. ‘Why are you – what are you do –’

His eyes widened suddenly. He clocked Sunil’s skirt. My oversized green T-shirt and brown trousers. Rooney’s little green scarf and purple tights.

‘Oh my God,’ he said.

He dropped his bag on the floor.

‘Oh. My. God,’ he said.

‘Surprise!’ I cried, holding out my hands and the dog plushie I’d found at one of the high street charity shops. Rooney flipped her hair back and posed as Daphne, while Sunil shouted ‘JINKIES!’ and pushed up his Velma glasses.

Jason put his hand on his heart. For a second, I was terrified that he was annoyed or upset. But then he smiled. A big, toothy smile. ‘Why the actual HELL – literally what the FUCK. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DRESSED AS THE SCOOBY GANG?’

‘There’s a fancy-dress club night tonight,’ I said, grinning. ‘I … I thought this would be fun.’

Jason approached us. And then he just started laughing. Slowly, at first, but then louder. He took the dog plushie from my hand and looked at it, and then it was almost hysterics.

‘Scooby’s –’ he gasped through his laughs – ‘Scooby’s supposed – to be – a Great Dane – and this – is a pug!’

I started laughing with him. ‘It was the best I could do! Don’t laugh!’

‘You’ve cast Scooby –’ he literally started wheezing – ‘you’ve cast Scooby as a pug – what is this – absolute defamation?’

He doubled over, and then we were just cry-laughing while he was holding the tiny pug plushie.

It took a few minutes for us to calm down, Jason wiping the tears from his face. In that time, Rooney had taken the final items of clothing we’d bought today out of the carrier bag and held them up to Jason – a white jumper, orange scarf and blonde wig.

He looked at them.

‘My time,’ he said, ‘has come.’

‘So you really like Scooby-Doo?’ Sunil asked Jason later that night, once we’d made it to the club. It was packed full of students dressed as everything from superheroes to giant whisks.

‘More than most things in this world,’ said Jason.

We danced. We danced a lot. And for the first time since getting to this university, I actually enjoyed it. All of it. The loud music, the sticky floor, the drinks served in tiny plastic cups. The old classics this club was playing, the drunk girls we befriended in the bathroom because of the pug plushie I’d been carrying around, Rooney slinging her arm over my shoulder, tipsy, swaying along to ‘Happy Together’ by The Turtles and ‘Walking on Sunshine’ by Katrina and the Waves, Sunil grabbing Jason by the hands and forcing him to do the macarena even though he thought it was cringey.

Everything was better because of my friends. If they hadn’t been there, I would have hated it. I would have wanted to go home.

I kept an eye on Rooney. There was one point in the night where she started drunkenly chatting and laughing with another group of people, students I’d never even seen before, and I wondered whether she was going to do her thing and abandon us.

But when I grabbed her hand, she turned away from them and looked at me, her face flashing different colours under the lights, and she seemed to remember why she was here. She remembered that she had us.

And I pulled her back to where Jason and Sunil were jumping up and down to ‘Jump Around’ by House of Pain, and we started jumping, and she smiled right in my face.

I knew she was still hurting. I was too. But for a moment she seemed happy. So, so happy.

All in all, I had one of the best nights of my university life.

‘I’m screaming,’ said Rooney, with a mouthful of pizza as we walked through Durham back to our colleges. ‘This is the best thing I have ever had in my mouth.’

‘That’s what she said,’ said Jason, which set Rooney off on a laughing fit that quickly turned into a coughing fit.

I bit into my own pizza slice, agreeing with Rooney. Something about a hot takeaway pizza in the middle of the night in the freezing northern winter was, to be frank, heavenly.

Jason and I walked side by side, Rooney and Sunil walking a little way ahead, engaged in discussion about the best pizza place in Durham.

I hadn’t yet had a chance to talk to Jason one-on-one. Until now. I didn’t really know how to start. How to apologisefor everything. How to ask if there was a chance we could be friends again.

Fortunately, he spoke first.

‘I wish Pip was here,’ he said. ‘She would have loved tonight.’

It wasn’t what I expected him to say, but as soon as he did, I realised how right he was.

Jason snorted. ‘I have such a clear vision of her dressed up as Scooby-Doo, doing the Scooby-Doo voice.’

‘Oh my God. Yes.’

‘I can literally hear it. And it’s terrible.’

‘She would be terrible.’

We both laughed. Like everything was back to normal.

But it wasn’t.

Not until we talked about it.

‘I’m …’ I started to say, but stopped myself, because it didn’t feel like enough. Nothing I could say felt like enough.

Jason turned to face me. We’d just reached one of the many bridges that stretched over the River Wear.

‘Are you cold?’ he asked. ‘You can borrow my jacket.’

He started to take it off. God. I didn’t deserve him.

‘No, no. I was gonna say … I was gonna say I’m sorry,’ I said.

Jason pulled his jacket back on. ‘Oh.’

‘I’m so sorry for … everything. I’m just so sorry for everything.’ I stopped walking because I could feel myself welling up and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I really, really didn’t want to cry. ‘I love you so much and … trying to date you was the worst thing I’ve ever done.’

Jason stopped walking.

‘It was pretty bad, wasn’t it?’ he said, after a pause. ‘We were very shit at it.’

This made me laugh, despite everything.

‘You didn’t deserve to be treated like that,’ I continued, trying to get it all out now while I had the chance.

Jason nodded. ‘That is true.’

‘And I need you to know that it was nothing to do with you – you’re – you’re perfect.’

Jason smiled, and attempted to flip the hair of his wig. ‘Also true.’

‘I’m just – I’m just different. I just can’t feel that stuff.’

‘Yeah.’ Jason nodded again. ‘You’re … asexual? Or aromantic?’

I froze. ‘What – wait, you know what those are?’

‘Well … I’d heard of them. And when you messaged me I made the connection and then I went and looked them up and, yeah. That sounded like what you were describing.’ He looked alarmed suddenly. ‘Am I wrong? I’m so sorry if I got it wrong …’

‘No, no – you’re right.’ I let out a breath. ‘I-I am. Uh, both of them. Aro-ace.’

‘Aro-ace,’ Jason repeated. ‘Well.’

‘Yeah.’

He slotted his hand into mine and we resumed walking.

‘You didn’t reply to my message, though,’ I pointed out.

‘Well … I was really upset.’ He stared at the ground. ‘And … I couldn’t really talk to you while I was … still in love with you.’

There was a long pause. I had no idea what to say to that.

Eventually, he said, ‘D’you know when I first realised I liked you?’

I looked up at him, not sure where this was going. ‘When?’

‘When you clapped back at Mr Cole that time during Les Mis rehearsals.’

Clapped back? I couldn’t remember a time when I’d clapped back at a teacher, let alone Mr Cole, the authoritarian director of our school plays in the sixth form.

‘I don’t remember that,’ I said.

‘Really?’ Jason chuckled. ‘He was shouting at me because I’d told him I had to miss a rehearsal that afternoon to go to a dentist appointment. And you were there, and he turned to you and said, Georgia, you agree with me, right? Jason is Javert, he’s a key role and he should have organised his appointment for another time. And you know what Mr Cole was like – anyone who disagreed with him was officially his enemy. But you just looked him in the eyes and were like, Well, it’s too late to change it now, so there’s no point shouting at Jason about it. And that just shut him right up and he stormed away to his office.’

I did remember this incident. But I didn’t think I’d been particularly forceful or bold. I’d just tried to stand up for my best friend who was clearly in the right.

‘It just made me think … Georgia might be kind of quiet and shy, but she’d stand up to a scary teacher if one of her friends was being shouted at. That’s the sort of person you are. It made me feel certain that you truly cared about me. And I guess that’s when I started … you know, falling for you.’

‘I still care about you that much,’ I said immediately, even though I didn’t think what I’d said to Mr Cole was particularly special or brave. I still wanted Jason to know that I cared about him exactly as much as he’d thought in that moment.

‘I know,’ he said with a smile. ‘That’s partly why I needed some space away from you. To get over you.’

‘Did you get over me?’

‘I … I’m trying. It’s going to take time. But I’m trying.’

I subconsciously withdrew my hand from his. Was I making this worse for him just by being around him?

He noticed this happen and there was a pause before he spoke again.

‘When you told me why you dated me, I … I mean, obviously I was crushed,’ he continued. ‘I felt like … you just didn’t care about me at all. But after I got your message, I think I started to realise that you’ve just … you’ve been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly. You’re still that person who stuck up for me to Mr Cole. You’re still my best friend.’ He glanced at me. ‘You and me not being a couple doesn’t change that at all. I haven’t lost anything, just because we’re not dating.’

I listened, stumped, taking a moment to figure out what he meant.

‘You’re OK with – with just being friends?’ I asked.

He smiled and took my hand again. ‘“Just friends” makes it sound like being friends is worse. I think this is better, personally, considering how terrible that kiss was.’

I squeezed his hand. ‘I agree.’

We reached the end of the bridge, crossing back into a cobbled alleyway. Jason’s face ducked in and out of darkness as we passed the streetlamps. When his face came into the light again, he was smiling, and I thought, possibly, I was forgiven.